Image description: The YeastEnders village of Walnutford, with baked-goods characters gathered in Almond Square outside The Queen Victoria Sponge.
Peggy Cherry Bakewell stood outside the Queen Victoria Sponge, tiny silver fork in hand.
Bruno Brioche stood opposite her.
Behind him were three white vans and several members of the Buttered Bunch.
Between them lay the remains of Peggy’s flower tub.
“Twelve ninety-nine,” said Peggy.
Bruno stared at her.
“I haven’t come here to discuss gardening.”
“Then you shouldn’t drive over people’s begonias.”
One of the Yeastie Boys appeared in the doorway.
“They were petunias.”
Peggy turned.
“Inside.”
“Just saying.”
“INSIDE.”
The door closed.
Bruno smiled.
“I’ve heard about you.”
“Nothing good, I hope.”
Sticky Nick stepped outside.
“Bruno.”
The smile vanished.
“Nicholas.”
Dot Crumble appeared behind Nick.
“Oh, don’t call him that. He thinks it makes him sound important.”
“Ma.”
“What?”
Bruno looked at Dot.
“And you must be Mrs Crumble.”
“Miss.”
“Sorry.”
“You will be.”
Nick gently pushed his mother back towards the pub.
“Please go inside.”
Dot frowned.
“I’ve only just come out.”
Rye-vita joined them carrying Crusty Carl’s delivery sheet.
Bruno’s eyes immediately fixed on it.
“That belongs to me.”
“No,” said Rye-vita. “It belongs to my investigation.”
“You’ve been causing me considerable inconvenience.”
“I get that a lot.”
Peggy folded her arms.
“What do you want?”
Bruno nodded towards the paper.
“That.”
“And Carl?” asked Rye-vita.
Bruno smiled.
“That depends on Carl.”
From inside the pub came a muffled voice.
“I’m not here!”
Bruno raised an eyebrow.
Peggy sighed.
“He’s not very good at this.”
Nick stepped closer to Bruno.
“Leave Walnutford alone.”
“You don’t give orders anymore, Nick.”
Dotty Crumble appeared in the doorway.
“Anymore?”
Nick turned.
“Dotty, go inside.”
“No.”
Bruno looked at her.
Then back at Nick.
“You haven’t told her.”
Dotty’s face changed.
“Told me what?”
“Bruno,” Nick warned.
Bruno’s smile returned.
“Your father didn’t merely lend us a few business names.”
Rye-vita watched Nick carefully.
“What did he do?”
Nick said nothing.
Bruno answered for him.
“He organised the paperwork.”
Dotty stared at her father.
“For the Buttered Bunch?”
“Years ago,” said Nick quickly. “Before I knew what Bruno was turning it into.”
Bruno laughed.
“You knew.”
“I got out.”
“You ran.”
“I had a daughter.”
Dotty went quiet.
Bruno stepped closer.
“And now you’ve come back.”
Nick looked at Dotty.
“Because I heard they were using the Queen Vic again.”
Rye-vita frowned.
“So that’s why you started asking questions about Walnutford.”
Nick nodded.
“I was trying to find out how far Bruno had got.”
Peggy pointed her fork at Bruno.
“Well, he’s got as far as my flower tub.”
A sudden crash came from inside the pub.
Everyone turned.
The door opened.
A Yeastie Boy poked his head out.
“Nothing happened.”
Peggy closed her eyes.
“What broke?”
“Technically?”
“What. Broke?”
“Table.”
Peggy pointed inside.
The head disappeared.
Bruno chuckled.
“You run an interesting establishment.”
“And you’re still not getting your paperwork.”
Bruno’s expression hardened.
“Then perhaps I’ll take something else.”
Three Buttered Bunch members moved towards the pub.
Nick stepped in front of them.
So did Grant the Spotted Dick.
Then Phil the Pudding.
Then Fatbread.
Finally Dot appeared, carrying her handbag.
Bruno stared at her.
“What are you going to do with that?”
Dot smiled.
“You’d be surprised what I’ve got in here.”
Something inside the handbag vibrated.
Dot frowned and pulled out an electric toothbrush.
“Not that.”
Nobody spoke.
Bruno sighed.
“This village is ridiculous.”
Peggy smiled.
“You noticed.”
Bruno turned towards his vans.
“This isn’t finished.”
“No,” Peggy called after him.
Bruno stopped.
“You still owe me twelve ninety-nine.”
He climbed into the van.
The Buttered Bunch drove away.
Dotty turned to her father.
“Dad?”
Nick looked at her.
“What else haven’t you told me?”
Nick’s face fell.
Across Almond Square, Bruno’s final van disappeared into Crumble Lane.
And inside it, Bruno opened a folder.
On the front were three words:
QUEEN VICTORIA SPONGE.
Underneath:
PROPERTY AND OWNERSHIP.