Welcome to The Cheese Family Chronicles – Volume One: Chutney and Champions
This is the first adventure in the Cheese Family Chronicles — where Sir Blue Vein, Lady Brie, Eddie Emmental, Clarabelle Cheddar, Mini Mozzarella, Babybel, and Wensley the faithful Wensleydoodle face mysteries, mischief, and more than a little dancing. Alongside them twirl the family’s dazzling Disco Twins — Monterey Jack Flash and Halloumi Belle — whose glittering steps often lead the family into unexpected adventures.
This tale brings together family, flavour, and fondue — with a sprinkle of sequins on top.
Chapter One – A Crumb of Calm
It was a peaceful morning in Cheddar-on-the-Crumb, a quiet little cheese village tucked between the rolling hills of Biscuitshire. The cobbled lanes curved like breadsticks, and wedge-shaped cottages gleamed golden in the morning sun. From open windows drifted the smell of baking bread, bubbling fondue, and freshly buttered toast. Milk churns rattled on the back of a passing cart, while sparrows perched on the rooftops and added their song to the day.
Inside one of those homes — shaped like a perfectly cut wedge — the Cheese Family was beginning another day.
Sir Blue Vein, wise and slightly whiffy in his blue-tinged glory, was sitting in his favourite armchair, reading The Daily Rind. He muttered now and again about crossword clues only he seemed to understand. Beside him, Lady Brie stirred her morning tea with regal poise, her soft edges gently wobbling with every satisfied sigh. Every so often she paused, lifted her cup just so, and breathed in the aroma as though even tea were a performance worth savouring.
In the kitchen, Eddie Emmental was helping Clarabelle Cheddar pack a picnic lunch — a tradition every Tuesday. Their movements were almost like a dance: Eddie slicing neat triangles of bread while Clarabelle layered them with pickle and cheese, wrapping everything in wax paper with a flourish.
“Don’t forget the crackers,” Clarabelle said with a wink.
“I never do — I married one!” Eddie replied with a grin.
From the living room came a crash, followed by shrieks of laughter. Mini Mozzarella had bounced a little too enthusiastically on his cheese-shaped beanbag and gone tumbling into a lamp. Babybel, the little round one, was beside herself with giggles, especially as she had a cheese straw stuck to her forehead like a unicorn horn.
“You’re supposed to sit on it, not launch into orbit!” Clarabelle called, trying not to laugh herself.
“I was practicing my moonwalk!” Mini protested, scrambling back up.
“More like a spoon-walk,” Babybel teased, and the two dissolved into fresh giggles.
Wensley the Wensleydoodle padded in, tail wagging, ears flopping, and nose twitching at the promise of picnic food. He gave a hopeful bark, though whether he wanted cheese, crackers, or just attention was anyone’s guess.
Eddie slipped him a crumb of toast, and Wensley settled happily at Babybel’s feet. It was a picture of cheesy harmony.
Well… almost.
Sir Blue Vein shuffled into the kitchen and spied a note pinned to the fridge. The paper glittered faintly in the morning light.
Gone dancing! Back soon. – M.J. & H.B.
On the floor beside the fridge lay a small glittery footprint, sparkling in the morning light. It was the unmistakable sign that Clarabelle and Eddie’s two eldest children, Monterey Jack Flash and Halloumi Belle, had once again snuck off for another disco dance showdown.”
Sir Blue Vein chuckled, folding the newspaper under one arm. “They’re still chasing that golden cracker trophy, eh?”
Lady Brie’s eyes softened, pride and concern mingling. “They always did have extra bounce in their steps.
I swear, I’ll be finding sequins in the curtains for weeks.”
Clarabelle sighed, brushing a shimmer of glitter from her apron. “Last time it took three washes to get the sparkle out of the laundry.”
Eddie, unfazed, grinned. “At least they’re aiming high. That golden cracker is the stuff of legend.”
He wasn’t wrong. Every cheese village had its stories about the trophy — how it shone brighter than a fondue flame, how winning it brought honour to a family’s name. Dancers came from every corner of the cheesy world to compete, and few could match the twins’ daring spins and fearless leaps.
Sir Blue Vein folded the note carefully, tucking it into his waistcoat pocket as if it were treasure. “Ah, the twins will turn up when the music calls. They always do.”
And with that, the rest of the family carried on — six cheeses strong, though never forgetting their two dazzling disco stars spinning their way across the world stage, glitter trailing in their wake.
Blind Man Makes 